*** SPOILER ALERT ***
The Shitstain deigns to visit Puerto Rico, tossing bounteous amounts of paper towels to the huddled masses.
God Save the King.
* With heartfelt apologies to Hans Christian Andersen
Category Archives: Stupidity plain and simple
President Shitstain comments on… something
What the fuck is this shitstain babbling about? What the world really wants to know is, how much White House Pussy is he grabbing? This is what we get instead:
Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you’re a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us. –President Shitstain
Seriously
The Shitstain is coming! The Shitstain is coming!
Poor Mexico. First on the To Be Invited Invaded list. Given The Shitstain’s yuuuge military qualifications, he’ll probably direct the silly fuckers to the north. Oh Canada, you aren’t on the list yet, but I’m pretty certain you will be, right after Australia.
The list, so far (updated periodically):
- Chicago (sorry, Mexico. You’re number 2. We all know number 2 tries harder.)
- Mexico
- Australia
- Iran
- Lawyers
- The Middle East (not a country, but whatevs)
- Europe (yeah, I know. It’s not a country, but The Shitstain thinks it is.)
- Urropean
- More to come as The Shitstain consults with his family and a world map.
I’d bet Mexico was wishing the wall had been built a lot sooner. Can you imagine that poor country full of stupid, ignorant, uneducated, illiterate Americans that can’t shoot straight?
Mexico doesn’t have too much to worry about. A pack of confused, deluded gringos will arrive, wander aimlessly, quote scripture, speak an incomprehensible dialect of The Shitstain’s language, and get sunburned, all while dressed in camo. Based on images of invading Shitstain armies, the really cool sunglass quotient will go over the wall, causing more of a demand for made in China goods and services.
Given that The Shitstain’s troops haven’t been responsible for winning a war in many decades, I doubt much harm will come to bad hombres. If anything, drug use and smuggling by The Shitstain’s returning troops/generals will most likely ensure overflowing cartel coffers forever.
For the love of king and country,
will someone in the current American administration please, please find a box of really thick, big, long yuuuuge crayons with not too many colored selections choices thingies pointy bits and tell the grand master to keep the scrawling between the lines?
Speaking of shitstains (with apologies to The Shitstain), Les Moonves, how are ya feelin’ about corporate media’s bottom line now, versus America’s rock bottom? Do you have anything you might like to add? How about doubling down on the “good for the CBS bottom line”?
Dear America,
It would seem that you’re paying for the wall after all. No wonder this shitstain on the face of the earth has his businesses declare bankruptcy. His lippity-lips move, his lippity-lips make no sense.
Send in the feds*
It’s for the rich.
Aren’t we a pair?
Me here at last in charge,
You say bad things.
Send in the Feds.
It’s for the rich.
You must approve.
One who keeps screwing around,
One who can’t decide.
Where are the Feds?
Send in the Feds.
*with apologies to Send in the Clowns, which probably doesn’t mean what you think it means.