Go here for the most  recent comments on the Calgary BT disaster.

For those of you wondering about Zain, let it be known henceforth and forever that he is forever gone. Unfortunately for Zain, his inability to keep his mouth shut combined with a set of ears that weren’t capable of hearing what he was saying allowed the motormouth to write his own ticket to obscurity in the Rogers TeeVee empire. Buh-bye dumbass.

Tuesday, September 7

Oh. My. God.

Allow me, if I may be so bold, to say that again.

Oh. My. God.

Unrelated, but when can we expect to see some pictures of the heterosexual parade?

And Jill, those toe socks are h.O.t. – the only bright spot in this, in this … excuse me while my head explodes.

Thankfully, Tara’s birthday will be over by tomorrow’s show, and the endless ass-kissing will be done with. Or perhaps not. I’m taking bets on whether or not Tara’s birthday festivities will be mentioned by Tara herself on tomorrow’s show. How many times, peeps?

Oh. My. God.

Wednesday, September 8

Yesterday’s recap: Oh.My.God.

Oh, all right then. Since we’re all suffering from PTSD, I won’t do a recap.

I’ve pretty much put my head back together after yesterday’s explosion, wiped down the monitor, and now this southern Alberta hillbilly is rarin’ to go for another look at Calgary BT’s all-new lineup! Should I wear a helmet for today’s show so that I can keep my shit together after yesterday’s head-exploding nonsense? I’m already wearing a life jacket. I know, I know, wearing a helmet and a life jacket may be overkill. However, I want to be certain that I don’t get sucked into the Bow River and drown alongside this dog that can’t swim.

So he-e-e-e-ere we go, fellow hillbillies…

Susanne’s lovely parting gift has been re-incarnated in a miniature version. I don’t know about the rest of you faithless viewers, but toilet talk right off the mark doesn’t bode well for the remainder of the show. Could it be in the crapper already?

Excuse me while I take a bathroom break.

Does anyone else think that Andrew Schultz is looking a little wild-eyed this morning? Can anyone blame him? He probably wants to run away screaming, but he’s got it together too much to do that – at least first thing in the morning, at any rate.

Will someone please nudge me when something happens?

Sorry, Jill. I was taking a cat-nap during part of that Zumba display.

Is the show shilling for the gun control registry? If so, it’s barking up the wrong tree with the visuals of automatic weapons that were obviously unregistered and never legally owned by any law-abiding citizen. And yes, Tara, they are real guns.

Question: Over what period of time were the weapons on display collected?

Question: What penalty was paid by the possessors of these weapons when they went to court? They did go to court, right?

Question: Was the penalty for possession of these weapons bartered away in an effort to get a guaranteed conviction on a lesser offense?

Nobody asked.

It was, however, a nice, smiley photo op with much ohh-ing and aww-ing over all the really big guns.

And yes, you may call me Mr. Negative – in the event you haven’t already noticed.

I lost the bet! (Does anyone care?) Andy was the first to bring up yesterday’s birthday girl.

I’m not sure about this Zumba thing since I’m more of a slow-dancer myself. Zumba, slow-dancing; both probably get the blood flowing – one first thing in the morning, the other later on in the evening.

Mike Yawney wakes me up with his tech talk. In my opinion, Mike does a pretty good job. Does that mean that he too will eventually be replaced?

Today’s one-word summary of the show: …

Uhh, oh, sorry. I was taking another nap.

*     *     *

I don’t as a matter of course watch CityLine, which follows Calgary BT’s of late dog and pony show, but this morning I awoke from snoozing through a good portion of BT to watch Jill Belland appearing as co-host of CityLine in Toronto. Both today’s and tomorrow’s episodes were taped last week.

Jill did a great job. And she was lookin’ smart doing it. Don’t forget, fretful readers, Jill will be on tomorrow’s Thursday edition of CityLine too.

Is there any chance that Jill will get an opportunity for a permanent gig down there? Here’s hoping. I know, I know, it’s Toronto, but we all have to bite the bullet sometime.

Inquiring minds need to know these things.

Andy needs to get out of this mess too.

Thursday, September 9

Canada is one of the most giving nations in the world. In fact, we rank number three. That’s something to brag about, not knock. Link here.

The talented and entertaining Jill Belland will be wrasslin’ her demons in a cage this morning. Can’t wait to see that. No mercy, girl!

Yeah, well, apparently the hosts of this flophouse can’t be bothered to do their job, and like me yesterday, they’re snoozing through today’s segues. Wake up. You are not yet (nor will you ever be) popular enough to sleepwalk through your show.

What colour are your gloves, Jill?

When you’re done in the cage, perhaps you could wander back to the studio and attempt to smack some sense into the show’s two hosts. (Disclaimer: In no way do I subscribe to or promote workplace violence as a solution to an inherent lack of talent.) Oh all right. In this case, I’ve changed my mind. Sue me.

Jamie Farr appears to be a real class act. It’s unfortunate that there aren’t more like him in Hollywood.

Okay, well, there’s CityLine to watch at 9 a.m. Did I mention that Jill Belland will be co-hosting again today? Don’t miss it. Unfortunately, we have to suffer through another 90 minutes of giggling and laughing by two people who are too full of themselves.

The good: every once in a while Andrew Schultz is permitted to be on-screen to re-introduce some class to the show.

The bad: Arf!

Even Andy can’t keep this dog afloat.

Bring back cave-girl! Please!

KFC’s bargain bucket commercial kind of grabs me, although I’m not a fan of Kentucky Fried Ducky. Ooooooh, and there’s a new credit card coming out for all of us, with a PIN instead of a signature! Bombay furniture – live your way. Twizzlers! Twisty. Chewey. Fun. Egg management fees suck. Bite me, Revlon girl! Get your leaf bags at Canadian Tire. Home Depot has a kitchen for us all. Chevy has a new car for you. (No, not Chevy Chase.)

Mike Yawney is about to jump! Don’t do it, Mike. The show needs you!

Larry King has been wearing suspenders for so long that his collar bones have been pulled down to the level of his chest. Go figure.

Noooooo, Mike, the show needs you! Don’t do it! Never mind the good-natured verbal abuse from the wussies sitting in the studio, Mike. You’re doing a great rappel down the side of that building that no doubt looks to be a thousand feet tall.

Oh, look, we’re almost done! Next, Jill is up with CityLine. But first, more MMA action in the cage. Fallback: Andy with the weather one more time. Good on ya, you two.

*     *     *

Jill, I’m not sorry to say, on today’s CityLine has completely outclassed everyone – and this only in the first two minutes of the show. Someone isn’t going to be happy with you. Meh, but who cares about them anyway?

Friday, September 10

It’s hard to stay interested in this unmitigated disaster. The show has barely begun and already it’s unwatchable. As the days go by, it just gets worse – if that’s even possible. For those of you still watching, do I really have to spell it out?

This minute’s highlight: the gadget guy. Mike Yawney does an excellent job of explaining some of this stuff to the uninitiated, but really, should his segments be something to look forward to?

Yes! What else do we have left?

Let’s at least give Andrew a chance to open his mouth and say something before you start talking over him.

Today’s one-word show description: Disaster. And it’s only the 20 minute mark. I’m expecting Zane to show up any minute now to cement the issue.

My god, now she’s breaking into song. Will she dance too?

I’m looking forward to Mike McCourt’s news and business breaks.

Where is cavegirl? Cavegirl, please come back to set a proper tone for today’s show.

Today’s two-word show descriptor: Embarrassing disaster.

Dave Will’s traffic reports are most intriguing, and I don’t even live in Calgary. Imagine that. Although, what the Calgary hillbillies call traffic, I call Sunday drive after dealing with El Lay freeways for six years.

Today Jill Belland is in Edmonton at the CMAs (Country Music Awards). We have that to look forward to, fickle viewers.

I have the solution for this unmitigated disaster that will bring it to the attention of station management: Andy, Jill, Mike Y., Dave the traffic guy: Call in sick on Monday! When people start phoning in to decry the lack of anything watchable, surely someone in control will notice. Won’t they?

Does anyone besides me think that the swag bag for the CMAs is kinda tacky? Cupcakes? Backside enforcer? Scarf down the cupcakes and you won’t need the ass-bracer.

Jesus Christ those two aren’t coordinated enough to play table tennis. Umm, can someone tell me why two of the people who can actually play table tennis weren’t doing it on the segue?

I know, I know. I could switch to another channel, but then I’d miss the two fools and their comedy.

STOP INTERRUPTING THE WEATHER. AND THE SPORTS. SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

There! I got that off my chest.

Question for station owner and management: Have you hung yourselves yet? (Disclaimer: In no way do I want to appear to be an advocate for suicide.)

Holy shit, the radio clowns are back. YOU CAN’T SAVE THIS DISASTER by turning it into radio.

I apologize for yelling, faithless reader, but I can’t help it. Perhaps I should hang myself instead, since no one in management will cancel this travesty and show movies for three hours. (Disclaimer: In no way will this show ever be capable of encouraging me to hang myself. It’s entirely too entertaining in its cringe-worthiness.)

Ooooooooooooh. Tora has insinuated herself into the business report now. Christ on mighty, management, get her away from this show.

No, wait! I have a plan. Let her take over the entire show. Yes, that’s it! It has become patently obvious that everyone else isn’t pulling their weight. Less dogs, more Tora! And that other guy. He needs to be on more too. Weather, sports, business report, news, traffic. Allow The Two™ to do it all. That will certainly improve things.

Louis B. is back! Will #2 be capable of shutting up long enough to let Louis B. do his thing? Doubtful.

Aww. Tora likes Andy. Stop fawning. Get her off this show! And that other guy. Get him off this show too!

Am I capable of some constructive criticism? No! Not for this disaster.

Question for station management: Do any of you even watch the garbage that this show has become? Can you do something about this mess? Yes? No? Maybe so? Better yet, run with it as-is. Your only viewer is laughing his ass off. (With apologies to Jill, Andy, Mike Y., Dave the traffic guy and Mike M. Sorry, guys.)

Someone is giving away tickets to the CMAs to viewer? caller? emailer? #9. Eight other people are watching this disaster? Imagine that. Or, perhaps the tickets will be left for next year’s CMAs.

Andy, Jill, Mike Y., Dave the traffic guy, Mike M.: Go! Run! Crawl! Stumble! Jump! Get away! Escape! Just don’t trip each other in your haste to abandon ship. There is absolutely nothing that any of you can do to help this thing survive.

Stay tuned on Monday as Calgary Breakfast TV continues to dig its grave.

The most recent comments on the Calgary BT disaster are here.

The Zaner is gone-zo! One down, one to go!

It’s Labour Day Monday, and we’re having quite the little retrospective of the past several weeks of a brand new Calgary Breakfast Television host. From what I’ve been watching, I am extremely fortunate to have been on the road when this dog was brought home. If you’re interested in my earlier comments after watching a week of this disaster unfold, here they are.

The Labour Day retrospective highlights

Any time Andrew Schultz or Jill Belland is on-screen doing their thing. Mike Yawney doesn’t do too badly either.

The lowlights

Everything else.

Tara Slone is just not capable of carrying this thing on her own, yet Andrew Schultz has been relegated to doing the weather and being Tara’s Ed McMahon sidekick. Will someone wake up and give themselves a pinch? Please?

I just can’t believe that someone, anyone, in corporate/station management is taking any responsibility whatsoever for this debacle that has been foisted on Calgary’s hapless early-morning breakfast television viewers. Whoever it was, I hope they will be forever banished to Breakfast Television, Maritimes version. And let me tell you, after watching Atlantic Canada’s version of BT, that’s about as low as you can go. Or, it was, until the all-new BT Calgary came along.

I eagerly await the remaining four days of the week, when a second host will appear out of nowhere to dazzle the likes of the Calgary hillbillies with tales of derring-do. During his half-hour introduction last Friday he had that deer-in-the-headlights look about him.

And don’t forget, faithful readers: Jill Belland, CityLights, Wednesday and Thursday, 9 a.m.

Go here for the most recent comments on the Calgary BT disaster.

For those of you wondering about Zain, let it be known henceforth and forever that he is forever gone. Unfortunately for Zain, his inability to keep his mouth shut combined with a set of ears that weren’t capable of hearing what he was saying allowed the motormouth to write his own ticket to obscurity in the Rogers TeeVee empire. Buh-bye dumbass.

Earlier today I submitted the following to a blog on the Breakfast Television Calgary web site, but I doubt that it will appear. Here it is, with typos corrected. I was so pissed off when I wrote the original that I didn’t do any editing.

Breakfast television train wreck

While on a summer-long ride, I got to experience Deadbeat-BT in Winnipeg, Toronto and the Maritimes. Without a doubt, Calgary’s was the best! Of course, that was when I left.

Now I’m back, only to discover that the talented and lovely Jill Belland has been replaced with a woman even more unattractive than the recently-departed Susanne Fox. Did anyone see Susanne’s lovely parting gift? It was a fish toilet tank. How appropriate. Susanne’s reaction was priceless.

[ For those Googling Susanne Fox’s whereabouts, she is now on Global Calgary news at 5 p.m. ]

I was hoping that Jill Belland would continue to co-host Calgary’s BT morning show with Andrew Schultz. She’s bright, talkative but not overly so, and she fits in well with Andrew. In fact, when I departed on my motorcycle ride, she was blossoming into quite the talk-show host and partner to Andrew.

It was all for naught.

Tara Slone must be related to someone – or married to someone – in the company to have parachuted into this job. Notwithstanding her previous careers – singer, television host, band member, among others (which obviously didn’t work out for her) – she’s just not host material. She’s bland. She’s always waving her hands. She talks over her co-host. Today I witnessed Andrew Schultz visibly annoyed with her doing so during a segment. She continues to do it constantly. It won’t be long before Andrew is relegated to simply nodding like a bobble-head doll to everything non-stop-Tara says.

Someone (the husband?) must have mentioned the constant waving-hands issue. That appears to be toned down a little.

Andrew Schultz, the co-host, is trying hard, but he’s fighting an uphill battle. If Tara is in fact family-related, I’m thinking it won’t be long before he’s replaced by some generic body that will be willing to play second-fiddle to Tara.

Ratings must be down quite a bit as witnessed by Tara’s daughter ending up on the show during sign-off today. Tara talked over everyone during the entire sign-off. How annoying it must be for everyone involved. I know it was for me as a viewer.

Former members of what must have been a close-knit group must now be looking for an exit, any way they can find one. I wish them all luck on this train-wreck of a formerly excellent early-morning localized show.

Oh, and would someone throw some makeup on one of the hosts? Even if she’s allergic, it’s a poor excuse for having none. There are hypo-allergenic products out there.

Updated August 25: I just this moment learned that Andrew Schultz will be replaced with another Toronto reject, Zain Meghji.

Just what the show needs: a second Toronto reject. Thanks to the two of them, a formerly very watchable Calgary early-morning television show will now become completely unwatchable. Thank you, untalented hacks.

I doubt the Calgary tone of the show will survive another lost Torontonian who has to explain how great it is to be from Toronto yet live in Calgary, as I watched Tara Slone do this morning. It’s unfortunate that the two of them had to come West to find out how “wonderful” it is out here in the boondocks.

Updated August 26: My apologies for overstating Zain Meghji’s qualifications for BT Calgary. He was merely born in Toronto.

Of late he’s been in Vancouver/Toronto/other Deadbeat TeeVee locations, so by the sound of it he’s on his way east to eventually return to Toronto, as opposed to Tara Slone, who was in Toronto and is now banished to the Calgary boondocks in a pained effort to restore some kind of career.

Whatever.

I’m left wondering if Andrew Schultz will be permanently banished to doing the weather, or if he will just disappear after a tearful rendition of soothing goodbye clips on a Friday. If so, I hope they come up with a better parting gift than that presented to Susanne Fox – the appropriate and ever-popular (with me, at least) fish tank.

Give me a break.

To Andrew (who will apparently soon be replaced as co-host) and the rest of you remaining at Breakfast Television in Calgary, I wish you all the best. You are all too good for this.

Who in corporate management is responsible for this travesty?

Updated August 27: The Calgary Deadbeat TV Train Wreck™ continues!

Although Andrew Schultz hasn’t yet been banished, he’s slowly being edged out of the picture. Andy can barely manage to hang on to a corner of the desk as he gets pushed farther and farther to the sidelines by the delightful Tara.

Later in today’s show: I can’t believe that she’s sitting outside with her feet in Andy’s lap. Okay Tara, you can take your feet off of Andy now. You’ve been wiping them on him all week and it’s time to start acting with some grace towards your co-host. You do understand the concept of grace towards fellow employees, right?

In today’s final shot I get the impression that Andrew is even being crowded off of the outdoor sofa. The only thing keeping him from the cement is the arm rest. Obviously there’s no longer any room for the likes of him on this show

This train wreck is finally getting to be fun to watch, although it’s become plainly obvious that Andrew is suffering. I don’t envy him in the slightest.

Jill Belland has been notably absent from the Train Wreck comedy, banished as she has been to her former duties as the roving correspondent. I get the feeling that this won’t last long. I’m expecting the snide comments and remarks during the introductions to Jill’s segments will start next week when Tara will begin cementing her dominance over the show.

And quite a show it is.

Update Monday August 30: I must admit that I missed the first 1:45 of the show this morning. I’m not sorry.

Today Andy is relegated to “Ed McMahon sidekick” while Tara gets all the meaningful interviews.

Endless nattering about Andy sleeping in this morning; Andy is always eating; yadda yadda yadda. Andrew is probably slimmer than she is.

To conclude the final interview of the morning the harpy is yelling into the mike.

Good grief, the poor woman can’t even do the weather ad hoc.

Show some grace, Tara. Reading words out of a thesaurus to talk down to Andrew doesn’t cut it.

There’s no reason to watch for the next four days. Jill Belland is off to Toronto for the remainder of the week. I wonder if she has an interview. Let’s hope so. It’s time she too moves on to something better than this travesty.

Updated August 31 : Nine word show summary: Shrill and incessant whining about how cold it is.

Toto, by now you must know you’re not in Toronto any more.

Jill is in TO to do an episode of CityLine. Could it be an audition? For her sake, I hope so. Go Jill! and escape from this horrible mess. The possible irony: Tara ends up in the wilderness of the west, and Jill goes to the bright city lights of Toronto. Let’s hope it’s success for Jill. (The CityLine episode will air next week.)

While on the subject of disappearing BT Calgary jobs, can someone, anyone, explain to me how Mike McCourt manages to hang onto his through all of this?

Tara can’t help condescending to Andrew Schultz (just to be sure he knows his place on the show) by calling him the best weather man ever. Aww. I must note that Andy doesn’t condescend to Tara in the slightest.

Tara, I know you have no idea, but before you came along, Andrew Schultz was not only an above-par meteorologist, but also an excellent co-host.

September 1: Andy has been welcomed back into the fold! He was allowed to do something with pickles. Never wanting to be completely out of the picture, Tara stood beside him, ready to take over in the event Andy became incapacitated.

My fondest hope for this train wreck: That both Andy and Jill find jobs elsewhere, leaving Deadbeat-TV management/executives scratching their heads in disbelief at an audience share in the negative numbers across all demographics. Now that would be something worth watching!

September 2: Who cares about this dog and pony show any more? Instead, let’s all look forward to Jill Belland’s CityLine audition next week. And here’s to Jill’s return to this mess: YaY! Too bad you have to come back to it, Jill.

Jill will be on CityLine September 8 and 9, 9 a.m., Wednesday and Thursday. Don’t miss it!

Friday, September 3: The end of this week’s Calgary Deadbeat TV Train Wreck™ – none too soon as far as I’m concerned. Mike Yawney is in the background doing something with bacon. Mike, I’m sorry, but even the most delectable, cholesterol-laden bacon treats won’t be capable of rewarding this dog and turning it into a pony.

Our first hint of a forthcoming new co-host is broken by, wait for it … two goofy-looking radio people? What the hell is with that? Although, while I must admit that two clowns fit right in with the current tenor of the show, it’s going to take more than radio clowns to save this drowning dog. My heartfelt apologies to dogs everywhere.

Mike is still doing something with bacon.

Louis B. tells us about Machete. YES! I can’t wait to see this one, as bad as it will be. But then, that’s the point, isn’t it? It’s like passing by a car accident. You can’t take your eyes off of it, as much as you want to – sort of the way I feel about the Calgary Deadbeat TV Train Wreck™.

Mike, that chicken-fried bacon looks pretty good!

The revelation will be forthcoming. Can’t wait.

Oh gosh, the new co-host will be … Zain Meghji. Didn’t I mention this in an earlier post? Ho-hum.

Zain looks a tad bewildered.

Tara is plainly pleased by it all. She finally has someone as uninformed as she is about the local scene and the province.

Whoever came up with that bacon-themed program for today – thanks. It has now been worth every minute. Note to afternoon meeting pitchers: There will be no further mention of pork on this program. Evar. Pork producers be damned.

Next week, we’re looking forward to Jill Belland on CityLine, Wednesday and Thursday at 9 a.m. Here’s to you, Jill. Oh, and welcome back to the train wreck. It should make for an interesting week, don’t you think?

I’m off for a bit of bacon and some pumpernickel toast.