* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Apple pan dowdy and fresh-baked Johnny Appleseed (otherwise known as Richard Conte) ends up in a hooker high-rise on the San Francisco waterfront when Rica (Valentina Cortese) takes a shine to him. Wasting away in the hotel paradise, Johnny is unable to move his illegally parked truckload of Golden produce. Crooked as roll of bailing wire Figlia (Lee J. Cobb) helps himself to the goods. Following a game of noughts and crosses played on Johnny’s chest (don’t ask, I only watch it), high-rise action climbs to new heights. The elevator is interrupted when Rica reveals to hillbilly Johnny his apples are being sold out from under him.

On collecting his due, Johnny can’t keep news of his good fortune to himself. He tells the world while on a phone call to his good girl back home. Everyone in the bar full of crooks, thieves and sweater-girl Rica applauds his buena fortuna. Mayhem ensues, but Johnny knows he’s found a hooker with a heart made of apples.