* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

A gunfight in a hospital. A hospital parkade getaway while driving with no arms. A chance encounter with a forklift. All that plus Carla Gugino, Michelle Yeoh, Lena Headey, Angela Bassett and Paul Giamatti. And don’t forget that low-mileage Volkswagen  camper van. All to get a simple library card. You need weapons to go with that? Take a look under self-help. But don’t allow any of that to confuse you.  It’s all  about mother-daughter bonding.

Anyone for a bit of gutterball bowling?

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Sad-sack man-child Tom Neal’s character schtick wears thin on his canary girlfriend when she deserts him for greener pastures. She indeed finds those pastures, fame, and fortune whilst  waiting tables in a L.A. hash joint. Al just doesn’t get it when she ghosts him, so, with lips and fingers moving,  he heads off in search, penniless and with a suitcase he can’t manage to keep closed with rope. It’s no wonder she departed.

Unable to keep out of the rain, poor miserable Al kills his benefactor. That move sort of copies Tom’s actual life, when he’s jailed for shooting wife number whatever in the back of the head in what any male in America calls “A good man with a gun”.

But I digress.

This dog doesn’t start moving until Vera arrives, a delicious-looking bit of road candy who hitch-hikes a ride with a depressed , sad-faced Al in his stolen car, looking for a pick-me-up. Vera, who can actually act, is able to read the room, or, in this case, the car, and takes charge of Al. She leads the desperate sad-sack on an never-ending adventure that even I can appreciate. I could probably act it better than Al, too. That’s saying something, considering the closest I ever got to Hollywood was riding through on the 101.

This thing is quite enjoyable once Vera arrives on-scene. Still, I wanted to punch Al in the face more than a few times.

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

A black man is allowed to teach history in a mythical communist, err, community, located somewhere on the best coast. Or the mountains. Pensive teenagers take notes while earnest paratroops land and create havoc by shooting up a variety of muscle cars in the school parking lot.

Traitors Democrats Communists Americans The Mayor votes to surrender to the Cossacks as hordes of illegals cross the border and swarm the state’s gun shops to confiscate registered weapons. Dissenters are relegated to the gulag and cages staffed by CBP regulars.

Dad gives the “Buck up” speech and begs to be avenged. Everyone loves everyone else. Ben Johnson spells it out for the loyal Republicans still on the loose and hands over family heirlooms. And horses. Uppity white wimmins almost cause the loyalist Republicans to be captured when they refuse to do laundry for de menfolk.

Nuns pray in the background as holes are dug. Communists Democrats Communists sing patriotic ditties while being machine-gunned via the ubiquitous African Credit Card. The Mayor covers his eyes and looks sad.

Hearts and minds. Thoughts and prayers. And horses.

Wait. Wut? Charlie Sheen? Is that you?