Canada to accept up to 250 Syrian White Helmet volunteers, family after dramatic escape

Any guesses as to how many that bastion of freedumb and civility, known as President shitstain’s country, will accept?

The volunteers were spirited out of Syria in a highly secret international operation that involved the U.K., France, Germany, the Netherlands and Canada, multiple sources told CBC News.

Remarkably, ‘Murrica declined the invitation.How’s that workin’ out for ya, MAGA-emptyhats?

The U.S. has taken a hands-off approach to the unfolding drama in southwest Syria.

The territory under assault had been designated as a U.S.-protected safe zone, but the Trump Administration has not made a move to enforce that as government forces tighten their grip on the region.

Not all that strange, considering President shitstain’s declarations from Helsinki while feverishly stroking fellating sucking Putin’s cock, enabling the Ruski to ejaculate all over ‘Murrica’s smiling orange face.

Cheerleader Chainsaw Chicks

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

The girls are headed to the Camp Cheer Finals with their innocent widdle puppy. A strong, silent type hacks away with an electric chainsaw at an already dead* tree. (An electric chainsaw. No blue smoke or noise. This is California after all.) Pussy.

Miscellaneous tools. Hillbillies. Cool dudes with facial hair. Electrical cord bandoleros. Yoyos. WTF? Yoyos? Saddles. A pet raven. Popsicles.

* No live trees were damaged by the feelming of this movie.

Siberia

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

This snorefest was filmed in April in Winnipeg, which any Canadian with half of a frozen brain recognizes as Winterpeg. Six months of winter, followed by another six of bad sledding is not untrue. Then there’s the six months of mosquitoes. And a year of provincial government auto insurance no one can afford. Plus a lifetime spent in a province right next door to Saskatchewan.

If all that isn’t pleasant enough for someone to imagine, then there’s Keanannnu’s face. I tried my best, but I couldn’t keep from stealthily approaching the screen whilst withdrawing my trusty Texas™ Alamo™ Bowie™ 12-incher™ from inside my underpants™. While Keanannnu was having sex, and in an attempt to force the actor into a facial expression related to the scene he was portraying, I hacked away at his backside.I’m sure I don’t have to say that it was all to no avail.

Eventually, the viewing audience calmed down and the theater manager approached. He explained that Keanannnu’s “acting face” was in fact being portrayed throughout the feelm, and my feeble attempt at forcing Kenny to move a facial muscle was wasted. Consequently, I demanded my money back before the police arrived to shut down the feelm for breach of acting integrity.

I was subjected to a pleasant ride downtown in the back seat.