*** SPOILER ALERT ***

The troglodytes are coming!

Things aren’t all they’re cracked up to be at The Larned Learned Goat when Snake Plisskin Kurt Russell a crusty Sheriff Hunt shows up to advise the citizens that a local hottie subbing for the larned doc has disappeared from his jail while treating a prisoner with Snake’s lead in his leg. Threatening to slap things red when a disgruntled citizen has the temerity to complain about his missing stable of horses, Snake invites a token redskin to explain the meaning of an unfamiliar arrowhead embedded in his personal jail.

Cut to Snake Sheriff Hunt in his shack and a picture of domestic bliss wherein he carves up the salt pork while his wife lovingly wraps bread for the long, difficult slog to hunt down the troglodytes in The Valley of the Starving Men.

Walter Brennan is dug up to do a walk-on as the Snakester’s old and incompetent assistant to the assistant sheriff while assisting in the search for the troglodytes in The Valley of the Starving Man, a hard five-day ride distant that the mouldy good old boys will do in three but can’t seem to figger which way is up until the trogs land and kill shit and then the real fun begins.

Beans. Farts. Restless sleep. Gangrene. Surgery on the road. Eerie humming sounds, possibly across the border from Windsor. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Hobbits Hobbling. Fleas? WTF ? ? ?  Fleas?

Damn but this thing was boring. Snake must have needed the cash for another run to El Lay.

Bonus points if you recognize a pleasingly plump Sean Young.