SNOWMAN

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

1. NORWAY, as we all know, is a freezing, frost-bitten shithole where everyone braces their coffee with hard likker.
2. In NORWAY, people randomly throw snowballs at one another. Living room windows are prime targets.
3. NORWAY is also home to Commie socialist pigs and free healthcare for all.
4. Thank goodness. NORWEGIANS smoke all the time.
5. NORWEGIAN children build their SNOWMEN facing their houses in order that they keep an eye on mummy and daddy whilst asleep in their beds.
6. There are no window shades on any bedroom or living room in any home in that nudist-and-sauna-loving NORWEGIAN cesspit of immorality. (Not to be confused with FINLAND.)
7. Every children’s bedroom has a window into their parents’ bedroom. It permits them to keep an eye on mummy or daddy screwing the shit out of their neighbor. Good times for all.
8. In NORWAY, everyone knows how to skate.
9. In NORWAY, there are no murders. Everyone commits suicide by shotgun.
10. Chloe Sevigny? In coveralls? Seriously?
11. Coffee beans (see #1).
12. In NORWAY, the women all dress in woolens (see #1).
13. NORWEGIAN children are annoying (see #1).
14. NORWEGIAN police officers never report in (see #1).
15. NORWEGIAN police officers never call for backup (see #1).
16. There is no cell phone reception in NORWAY (see #1).
17. Val Kilmer. WTF! Val Kilmer? Old Val has subjected himself to too much plastic surgery.