* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Now the northern lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was the night in the Pacific, it was oh so teriffic-
KONG! -with apologies to Robert W. Service

Joe Conrad Marlin Brando Kurz KONG!

KONG eat meat. KONG wounded. KONG not care. KONG stomp. KONG pound chest. KONG stompin’ on to Good Tunz!

I was disappointed to discover that Pamela Anderson’s walk-on was brought to us by PETA. No CGI gorillas were harmed in the making of this movie. John Goodman needs a good meal. His emaciated face was enough to send me running and screaming from the theater.