Monthly Archives: December 2013

Personal

It is official. I am bored.*

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This morning, I made my very-early a.m. cup of green tea with the usual substantial infusion of fresh ginger root. I sat to do several paragraphs, and then, so eagerly anticipating that first sip of green tea nectar, reached to put cup to lips.

Imagine my shock when all I couldn’t taste was hot water. It is absolutely, terrifyingly unimaginable, is it not?

Please send condolences, cards, letters of commiseration, flowers and/or treasures to Box 13, Nara Visa.

Note to self for next time:

  1. Put ginger root in cup.
  2. Put tea bag in cup.
  3. Place cup under Tassimo.

* Or, suffering from early-onset Old-Timers’ Disease.

Stupidity plain and simple

The magnitude of the observation goes unrecognized

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My bags are packed, I’m ready to go

Dawn is breakin’, the taxi’s waitin’ *

Or some shit like that.

And it’s all because of cake crack, which, for all I know, could also resemble plumber’s crack.

A Scottsdale family on Wednesday said their cheesecake is a Christmas miracle.

When they pulled the dessert out of the oven, it cracked as it cooled. According to the family, the cake crack resembles a crucifix. –azcentral.com

Talk is cheap. And it’s not Easter yet.

* With apologies to John Denver, who, having run out of airspeed, altitude and ideas all at the same time, smacked the waters of Monterey Bay.

Short trips

Moving to Canada?

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Here’s all you need to know:

Toque – A knit cap.

Donair – A meat-heavy, Turkish dish invented in Halifax.

Homo Milk – Come on, it’s homogenized, whole milk.

Parkade – It’s a building where you park.

Robertson Screwdriver – A screwdriver with a square tip.

Mickey – Half of a 26er. Like, a small part of a 40-pounder. Or, go pick up a two-four if you like beer.

Oh, I almost forgot. There’s one more thing. If you’re a jihadi rapper from Alabama and you know your ABCs, you might want to check out a Fodors or its equivalent before you start thinking that moving your lips moving to Toronto will get you to a pure Islamic society.