I was fortunate enough to show up at a derby demo earlier today, and I was impressed. Those girls are something else to see.

If you’ve ever watched a derby girl close-up doing her thing, you’ll fall instantly in love. Who else could be graceful, tough, agile and quick – not to mention good-looking – while banging out a member of the opposing team? How they keep it all together while slamming each other around a flat track is beyond me.

The costumes are outrageous. Torn fish-net stockings. Mini-skirts. Tank tops. Tube tops. Stay-ups. Make-up is grossly exaggerated to match the clothing – with a look from girl-next-door* to naughty* to virgin*.

Yes, they’re wearing elbow pads, knee pads, helmets and gloves while getting slammed onto the floor or into the railing. Not so tough, you think? Just watch them compare bruises before the match.

Did I mention that those girls can skate too?

In my next life, I want to date a derby girl. She’s got it all goin‘ on.

Oh, yeah, there were also some guys wearing skates, but who the hell cares about them?

*For characterization purposes only. I would never impugn the character of any woman, no matter how she appears.