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It’s perky chicks and roundhouse kicks galore when Fabian XIV (I surmise the other XIII names for Fabian were taken) admonishes his students:
You’re only to fight when there’s an elevated supernatural threat. -Fabian XXIVLAEIOU+Y
This thing was so bad that I immediately cancelled my internet subscription and moved.
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Boyfriend goes missing. Girlfriend arrested for driving his stolen car with a bloody knife beneath the seat. Boyfriend shows up. Confesses to murder, robbery, etc. to girlfriend. Girlfriend drives boyfriend around town aimlessly. Girlfriend is dubious, but stands by boyfriend anyway because whoever wrote and greenlighted this production is mentally incompetent.
Lawyer! Lawyer! Sorry. Not available at this time. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t meeeee.
Holy shit. Where’s Tawny Kitaen when you need her?
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A murdered stripper comes back from the dead for revenge, while her sister, a newswoman, goes under cover gets naked to solve the crime.
Also: Tawny Kitaen.
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You can check in but you can never check out.
Jeff Bridges The dude The pastor abides.
SPOILER ALERT
Black mold, because what building in N’Orleans, new or old, wouldn’t be filled with that shit? Also, Ellen Barkin, looking hawt, before she knew anything about animal kingdoms.
SPOILER ALERT
At the no tell motel, the doctor is out, forcing the dingo to eat another baby.
SPOILER ALERT
Daddy has a party!
It’s a rainy night in Georgia California, and Keannnu* is home alone after his wife and kids desert leave take everything and fuck off go away for the weekend, thus leaving him with the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen on the face of this earth in California.
MUCH RAIN
Keannnu is required by the script to slowly walk towards the sound of a knock on a door. IN HIS HOUSE. KEANNNU OPENS DOOR, because it is written. Two, count’em, two, soaking wet fifteen-year-old serial killers, drenched by the rainmaker, greet him with wet clothes and nubile, shivering, scantily-clad bodies. Keannnu has no choice but to call an Uber in the hope that he will be able to leave a house that has been decorated by no human being living on the face of this earth.
Much mayhem ensues.
Will Keannnu be able to rid himself of the naughty duo in time to straighten up the house? Will Keannnu ever act? Unfortunately, we will never know. Keannnu ends up buried in his back yard, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his wife and kiddies.
* Will someone please introduce me to the only person on the planet who convinced Keannnu he can act? I want to cut the tongue out of the mouth and snip the fingers off the body so he or she can’t speak or sign, thus preventing the Keannnu from ever acting in another moving picture again.