Moving to Canada?

Here’s all you need to know:

Toque – A knit cap.

Donair – A meat-heavy, Turkish dish invented in Halifax.

Homo Milk – Come on, it’s homogenized, whole milk.

Parkade – It’s a building where you park.

Robertson Screwdriver – A screwdriver with a square tip.

Mickey – Half of a 26er. Like, a small part of a 40-pounder. Or, go pick up a two-four if you like beer.

Oh, I almost forgot. There’s one more thing. If you’re a jihadi rapper from Alabama and you know your ABCs, you might want to check out a Fodors or its equivalent before you start thinking that moving your lips moving to Toronto will get you to a pure Islamic society.

Places to eat – Espanola, Ontario

Hong Kong Restaurant – I decided not to eat in the Pinewood Motor Inn’s dining room because it was packed and I didn’t want to wait. Am I ever glad that I walked down the street to this place.

Hong Kong Restaurant

The Hong Kong Restaurant in Espanola, Ontario isn't to be missed if you have some time for plenty of fresh, hot buffet food on your way to the ferry terminal 90 minutes down the road.

I found this little gem just a short walk away on the opposite side of the street. At first I was put off by the few occupied seats, but having walked past a motorcycle in the parking lot buoyed my spirits. After I sat down, others showed up. Obviously, the locals were aware of this place.

I told the waitress I’d be trying the buffet, but I was disappointed when I saw that there was very little food in the warming trays. No sooner had I walked up to the display when the chef walked out, surveyed the room, checked the food trays, and began bringing out fresh, hot goodies. A veritable delight awaited me. He did the same thing several times, ensuring that newcomers all had as much as was needed, fresh and hot.

Three plates later and I waddled back to my room, having been sated by some of the freshest, hottest and most abundant food I had ever eaten in a Chinese restaurant.

If you’re passing through Espanola on your way to the South Baymouth ferry terminal on Manitoulan Island, don’t miss this little gem. Don’t be disappointed when you walk up to the buffet and can’t see much food. It will be coming right up, fresh and hot.

The ferry terminal is about another 90 minutes down the road if the swing bridge is in use. If you’re on a motorcycle, no reservation is required. Added bonus: you’re sent to the front of the line, where you’ll be first on, and, obviously, first off.

Chi-Cheemaun ferry South Baymouth/Tobermory

On a motorcycle? No reservation required. You're first on/first off, since this thing can load/unload from either end. If you're in a cage, you'll need a reservation.

Trans-Canada highway stupidity in Saskatchewan

Update March 29, 2011: If these Saskasippie farmboys were working on constructing the Alaska Highway, road work would still be going on and the Japanese would be at the border. In 2011

work will require the highway to revert to two-lane traffic during construction. —Saskatchewan Government news release,December 9, 2010

In other words, a Saskatchewan farmboy wanting to get to Calgary for a rub-and-tug means having to say you’re sorry for the delay.

Jesus, what an embarrassment.

*     *     *

Back on June 16th, 2010 the Trans-Canada Highway at the western edge of Saskatchewan* was closed due to extensive rain damage during one of those prairie rainstorms not uncommon across the prairies.

It’s the 6th of August now. The four-lane divided highway is open for two-lane traffic only for a couple of miles. Some unknown construction company dilly-dallies away the summer pretending to construct. Methinks said construction company saw a way to endless cost-plus profits and is milking the Saskatchewan cow for all she’s worth.

How do I know? For the second time I rode by while traveling and had a look, and lo, it would appear that dimwits prevail.

The culverts haven’t even been laid yet, although my thought (not that my thoughts really matter to anyone in control) is that perhaps a bridge is warranted across an area that is prone to flooding.

A second thought: culverts are easier to replace than a bridge when the road washes out for a second time. It’s the farm mentality at work. They figger if she’s good to go by the time the snow flies, it’s good enough for those poor folk who are silly enough to be on the way to somewhere else. I think they figger too that it will slow down the  locals in their attempt to desert Saskasippi in droves. Those shiny city lights on the horizon are a siren call, doncha know.

Did any of the farmers elected to the Saskatchewan government ever kick the shit off of their boots, pick the straw off of the ass of their pants, pull their heads out of their asses and try to figger out how long it really takes to repair a road? With culverts?

>>> crickets chirping <<<

I didn’t think so.

———–

*Saskatchewan to many is known as Saskasippi. Need I say more?

If you’re coming, don’t forget the bananas

(Canada is) behaving with all the sophistication of a chimpanzee’s tea party

But before you get here, clean up your own back yard, and keep your limey prejudices to yourself.

A concerted campaign has now begun to expel Canada from the Commonwealth.

Finally! Thank you, Jesus! The Commonwealth has been an underachiever for decades now. It’s primary raison d’être was for the benefit of the motherland, more commonly known at the time as Great Britain. Britain isn’t so great now.

Canada now threatens the wellbeing of the world.

More than China. More than the United States. More than Pakistan. More than any other country in the world. Imagine that.

Canada.

You bastards out there had better be on your toes, or we Canadians will drag you down to the level of, uhh, something or other. Maybe.

turning this lovely country (Canada) into a cruel and thuggish place.

Been to Nairobi recently, have you?

I am so tired of the klimate klowns and their incessant whining and sniveling. They ignore the problems in their own back yards, all the while insisting that this nation or that nation or another nation over there, somewhere, is the real culprit of climate change, diamond mines, gold mines, logging, rainforest stripping, desert wind, camel dung, cloudy skies and poor tipping.

Kiss my fat, white, wrinkled Canadian ass. Furthermore, while you’re flying over, just keep right on going to some country that you might actually want in your Commonwealth of nations. If you don’t like it here, go somewhere else.

Unfortunately, I don’t think this guy would like it anywhere.

Link to his guardian.uk article here, from whence the quotes come.

Leo & Lucy on cleaning up the environmental mess

You just have to love the environmentalists among us – even the ones in the motherland, if you’ll pardon the pun. Here are samples of the awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping, world-wide non-events that we should be concerned about, according to Leo & Lucy of the guardian.uk. Or, more likely, those items appealing to fast-disappearing newspaper subscribers in the internet age, apropos of a going-green column.

  • Pesky Christmas lights. Should we dump them in favor of, umm, something that burns less energy, but costs us more money to replace? Oh why not? It’s only money. And a class thing as well, if you light up your entire house. A class thing? What’s with that?
  • Now then, you’re wanting to be a tourist, are you? Planning on flying or taking a barge home for Christmas? With all that pollution you emit on your aeroplane, ocean liner, truck, van, automobile? Then find a sleigh, a horse, a feed-bag and a shit-bag and tour locally. Added bonus: What goes in the front end and comes out the back can be burned for heat.
  • After all that, are you still wanting to put up a tree? What about those poor Georgian natives, slaving away on treetops to ensure enough seed for Denmark to grow it for you?
  • Are you anxiously awaiting that Christmas card or parcel from a friend or loved-one? They don’t appear to have a green solution for that one, other than, Postman, tune up your vehicle. As for gift wrap, recycle those old scandal sheets.
  • Those pesky plastic grocery bags must be replaced by paper. Does anyone not know someone who doesn’t use them for garbage bags? Now that’s recycling.
  • Using a coal fire to stay warm? Nuh-uh. Use wood instead. That is, if you can find any in the forests of Great Britain, long-ago denuded by those eco-friendly ship builders of yore.
  • Santa and his reindeer are another problem entirely. How much does it cost NORAD to track this Christmas abomination from the North Pole to various and sundry countries around the world? Let’s give his animals back to the Laplanders and sweep Santa Claus into the dustbin of Christmas past.

Oh yes, I know. Canada has a monstrously huge carbon-emission footprint. Really? Just how huge would that monstrously huge carbon-emission footprint be, Canadian?

Why, it’s two per-cent of the world’s problem. Yes, you heard me right. Two per-cent.

Now then, just how much money should I be spending to reduce that to 1.5 percent? One percent? Zero? Is zero, in fact, realistic for any country? I doubt it very much.

Come on, how much should I be spending? How much should my government be spending to reduce an absolutely meaningless two per-cent emission problem to, say, one per-cent?

I’d bet good money that the cooking fires, tire fires, camp fires and dump fires in all of Africa emit more pollution than Canada. Let’s get those Dark Continent polluters to do their bit for the environment forthwith.

Oh wait, we can’t. They get a pass because they’re already living in filth and starvation, as they have for thousands of years. Perhaps we should send them a few of our extra plastic garbage bags and show those Africans how to clean up their act.

Good luck with that.

La Société St-Jean Baptiste est dérangé

Talk about having your cake and eating it too, or, mange la merde, you stupid frogs.

Those silly imitation frenchmen (with apologies to France) in Canada are at it again. For some strange reason, these mentally-challenged retarded people appear to think that they now own all of North America. Don’t tell the tin-hat brigade in America, or they’ll be manning up the border with more drones on wheel-skis.

A Quebec sovereignty group wants Prince Charles to apologize for the cultural genocide of francophones in North America. – cbc.ca

That’s because in early November, Chuckie and his lovely bride (one of the ugliest women in the world, if not the ugliest) will be appearing in Canada at a variety of venues, including Quebec. Where’s Diana when you really need her, Charles?

the heir to the British throne will only be welcome in Quebec during his Canadian tour if he atones for the alleged sins by the British after their conquest of North America.

Grievances are believed to be among, but not necessarily limited to, the following:

  • deportation of the Acadians in 1755.
  • establishment of an English-language majority in Canada.
  • patriation of the Canadian Constitution without Quebec’s consent.

Here’s a couple of grievances those patriots at la Société appear to have forgotten:

  • the fact that in the last referendum to separate from Canada, they lost their chance to leave – unfortunately for the rest of us.
  • the Montreal Canadians haven’t won a Stanley Cup since 1993.

Who among the brave Société St-Jean Baptiste will apologize for that?

Link to article here.

I almost forgot:

Go on. Get out. Shoo!  Nobody wants you in Canada. And on your way out, don’t forget to start learning English so that you can interact with the rest of the world, you bumbling, money-sucking ingrates.