Atomic Blonde

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

James Bo Charlize Theron flys flies to Berlin via Neunundneunzig Luftballons** with nothing but a carry-on containing more clothes than Cher on a five-continent tour. Since I’m not all that much of a clothes horse myself – as those of you who know me can attest – I didn’t much care. Which is precisely why I walked out of this dog at about an hour. I wanted to leave at the twenty-minute mark, but I couldn’t get cell-phone reception to call 911 for assistance in a timely manner after yelling “FIRE!” numerous times. (I know. I shouldn’t have done that. There were only three other people in the place.)

** 99 balloons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La4Dcd1aUcE

President Shitstain comments on… something

What the fuck is this shitstain babbling about? What the world really wants to know is, how much White House Pussy is he grabbing? This is what we get instead:

Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you’re a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us. –President Shitstain

KONG

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Now the northern lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was the night in the Pacific, it was oh so teriffic-
KONG! -with apologies to Robert W. Service

Joe Conrad Marlin Brando Kurz KONG!

KONG eat meat. KONG wounded. KONG not care. KONG stomp. KONG pound chest. KONG stompin’ on to Good Tunz!

I was disappointed to discover that Pamela Anderson’s walk-on was brought to us by PETA. No CGI gorillas were harmed in the making of this movie. John Goodman needs a good meal. His emaciated face was enough to send me running and screaming from the theater.