U.S. would wipe out Canada if it conducted a Hamas-like attack, Kathy Hochul says

Now why would Canada ever invade Buffalo? For the Chip? Oh, wait, that’s Sturgis. For the medical care no American except people like Ms Hochul can afford? Ya, shure, I guess. For the oil and gas? Bwaaaahahahaha. To stay in one of Trumppo’s proppities of which  he will have to divest? Bwaaaahahahaha. Oh, I know! I know! *waves a frantic arm in the air and hopes Ms Hochul doesn’t see it as aggressive behaviour* To see Niagara Falls! No, that’s not it because anyone with half a brain knows the view is so much better from the Canadian side.

Oh, and Ms Hochul. You might pay more attention to your southern border and the hordes of people invading your nether regions.

JFC but some of those people come up with the stupidest things on the face of the earth. The country deserves Donald Trump, and I really, truly hope and dream that they will get their wish for a second term.

*sings*

Bye bye American pie…

They’re here*!

* Well, okay, they’re not really here. They’re up there. *points*

There’s even a widdle house for them to live in while they do repairs.  Who says Georgio is full of it now? Huh? Huh? Where is Q-anon when you need them? MTG and her Jewish space lasers be damned. THIS IS NEWS!

He Ran All the Way (1951)

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Nervous nellie rod-man Nick/John Garfield holds up a payroll and kills a copper. To avoid the police, he takes the plunge, where he swims into Peg/Shelley Winters. Having never seen or touched a woman before, Nick almost blows it. Needy Peg relents and allows the incel to take her home, where Nick continues his charm campaign by confessing to committing the robbery while holding Peg’s family hostage. Sweaty paranoia ensues.

+++

If you haven’t seen it, The Postman Always Rings Twice is classic Garfield. He co-starred with Lana Turner. The lipstick rolling on the floor introduces the pair. Only in film noir should they never have met.

John Garfield died too young at 39. Blacklisting and HUAC threats probably didn’t help.

Holiday Affair (1949)

Tis the season.

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

I was thoroughly enjoying this Christmas extravaganza until young Timmie, the wonderful little boy and star of the movie, stuck his finger into a lightbulb socket and electrocuted himself. Barely able to contain themselves, the remaining acting professionals were soon able to brush the tragedy off and carry on, regardless. R.I.P. Timmie and the fucking train set.

I hasten to add that what the purveyors of the Hayes Code forced on the producers and Janet Leigh’s breasts was horrendous. Her breasts were spread so far apart to minimize them that she couldn’t cross her arms in front of her.

It Came From Outer Space (1953)

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Pipe-smoking Johnny and his floozie Helen are spending an enjoyable evening at Johnny’s desert mansion when a meteor crashes down upon them from the firmament. They immediately head over to Pete Davis Flying Circus and his open-cockpit Bell 47B, whereupon the romantic threesome is treated to an air tour of the crash site. Nary a hair is mussed.

Johnny sees something. Wants to stick his fingers into the jello. Changes his mind. Makes for tarty Helen and Pete instead, just in time to witness the forces of good and evil arriving. We know by the music that Johnny won’t be swayed, and, indeed, he and that slut (defined as an untidy housewife back in the 50s for those of you who think I’m overdoing it) Helen almost crash into the Eye of Sauron on the way to someplace else.

It’s the Joshua trees!

In typical fashion, small-town Johnny doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. Together with his dime-a-dance-girl and schoolteacher, Helen, they are intent on convincing hellbilly heaven’s residents that ALIENS ARE COMING! Sheriff Fife is convinced when electrical parts go missing.

Oh-oh. Something is going on with…

INTERMISSION

Goldeneye (1995)

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Bond. James Bond. Sean Connery. David Niven. George Lazenby. Roger Moore. Timothy Dalton. Ian Fleming. Pierce Brosnan. M. Judi Dench. Great opening credits (as usual), followed by a nice performance from a Pilatus Porter (which also has a starring role in my latest WIP). Xenia Onatopp stays a hop, step and a jump ahead of things for a while. Natalya Simonova is Bond’s latest bit of fluff to end up sharing a life-raft near some god-forsaken collapsing dacha.

After that, it’s all about laser watches, SPIKES, satellites floating about, tank rides, and being somewhere in the Caribbean. Eventually, the bottom falls out of Natalya and Bond are forced to crash land.

Rough and ready Xenia, living out her greatest fantasy, ends up on top until Natalya, who is not actually dead, is revived. Meanwhile, 006, who isn’t dead either, must launch MTG’s Jewish space laser to start all the forest fires something-or-other, or stop something-or-other from happening. Except he can’t, because antenna malfunction. Never fear, though. Natalya ends up onnatop.

With a cameo by Minnie Driver.

Hotel Coolgardie (2016)

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

It might be 2016 in the movie, but it’s 1816 in the country. I knew Australia had a bit of a problem moving into the 20th, let alone the 21st, but JFC. Really? There isn’t a “man” in that bar that’s been laid by anyone but a desperate hooker – and chances are she never got paid for her efforts.

The owner is a useless twat who should be forced into the pub’s septic tank to drown in urine and stale beer. The customers are worse, if that’s even possible. They piss standing up at the bar. Urine-stained pants are a thing in Australia, anyway, so it’s not unusual. I’m pretty sure their mothers are a proud bunch, too.

It’s no wonder the useless twat can’t keep help for more than 90 days at a time. And not only that, he proved not to have the testicles to face them when he fired them.

Notwithstanding the foregoing, I’m really looking forward to The Royal Hotel, with Julia Garner and Jessica Henwick.

Riding farther, seeing more