*** SPOILER ALERT ***

This snorefest was filmed in April in Winnipeg, which any Canadian with half of a frozen brain recognizes as Winterpeg. Six months of winter, followed by another six of bad sledding is not untrue. Then there’s the six months of mosquitoes. And a year of provincial government auto insurance no one can afford. Plus a lifetime spent in a province right next door to Saskatchewan.

If all that isn’t pleasant enough for someone to imagine, then there’s Keanannnu’s face. I tried my best, but I couldn’t keep from stealthily approaching the screen whilst withdrawing my trusty Texas™ Alamo™ Bowie™ 12-incher™ from inside my underpants™. While Keanannnu was having sex, and in an attempt to force the actor into a facial expression related to the scene he was portraying, I hacked away at his backside.I’m sure I don’t have to say that it was all to no avail.

Eventually, the viewing audience calmed down and the theater manager approached. He explained that Keanannnu’s “acting face” was in fact being portrayed throughout the feelm, and my feeble attempt at forcing Kenny to move a facial muscle was wasted. Consequently, I demanded my money back before the police arrived to shut down the feelm for breach of acting integrity.

I was subjected to a pleasant ride downtown in the back seat.