Film Stars Don’t Die In Liverpool


An aging actress, whose last meal was eaten in 1995, and hasn’t had her hair done since, ventures forth to Liverpool to play a ’40s movie star. She will move into a house filled with strangers, fully intending to die there. And who wouldn’t in a horrid place that hasn’t had a wallpaper or paint makeover since the ’30s. Even the sheets on the beds are color-coordinated and just as ragged. But it’s Britain. The entire country is like that.

God save Camilla. Stiff upper lip and all that.



See Natalie Portman acting wander around in a slo-mo daze sleepwalking for two – count’em, TWO – freaking hours. I didn’t spend that much time with her. Fortunately, I was able to borrow a pencil. I gouged BOTH of my eyes out with sharp, pointy lead after the first twenty minutes.

If you pay good money for this dog, I recommend you do the same after you find your seat. Be sure you have someone to lead you home at the end of this travesty.