Dear Ted Cruz

It would appear that you have only recently become aware that you are a Canadian citizen. You spent four years in Canada as a born-in-Canada, card-carrying socialist Communist Canadian. In light of that, those damnable Tea Partiers that you must satisfy beyond any reasonable doubt have questions with regard to the following:

  1. Have you now, or have you ever in the past, made use of that socialist commie pinko Communist health insurance scam in Canada that is responsible for killing its citizens by means of death panels?
  2. Have you ever spoken even one word of French-Canadian? Have you ever Frenched* a woman? How about some occasional French kissing** now and again?
  3. Your parents are listed as being an American mother, and a Cuban father. Should you chose to move to Cuba, you are more than likely eligible for Cuban citizenship. Would there be any chance of that happening? Ever?
  4. What’s your position on Cuba? Should America continue to give it a good reaming?
  5. As an agent of a foreign government, can the country you presently call home (that’s America, right? Not Cuba? Not Canada?) depend on you to defend what’s left of the Constitution to the best of your ability? At a minimum, to qualify as a Party of Tea member, that means knowing three words: We the people.
  6. How dense, stupid and moronic do you have to be to not understand that, as a result of being born in a democratic commie pinko Communist foreign country, as well as having lived there for four years thereafter, you’re a citizen of that country.

* Yes, I know. It’s the same as **. But just in case Mr. Cruz probably wasn’t aware of it. At all.

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