would satisfy the whining and sniveling tree-hugging crowd:

…environmentalists say regular use of soft tissue paper is flushing trees… -calgaryherald.com, Mike De Sousa

For those Greenpeacers south of the 49th, you could use what Bush&Co used profuse amounts of during his eight-year reign. And if you don’t know what that was because you were too busy hugging your trees, you definitely weren’t paying attention.

With apologies to Sears, Roebuck and Company.