Frontier

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

With more fur and leather than a cancelled Barnum & Bailey circus, Frontier will be certain to ensure the arousal of PETA and Pamela Anderson unto her wet and untimely demise, courtesy of a communist socialist Canadian free-health-care death panel.

Fur and leather corsets abound. Heaving bosoms, not so much. Canadian lassies, unfortunately, weren’t allowed to cavort in such manner, thanks to the prevalence of the Catholic church and its predelicktion for the little boys.

Every unemployed Canadian actor will be working unto perpetuity if the series is continued.

The Shitstain is coming! The Shitstain is coming!

Poor Mexico. First on the To Be Invited Invaded list. Given The Shitstain’s yuuuge military qualifications, he’ll probably direct the silly fuckers to the north. Oh Canada, you aren’t on the list yet, but I’m pretty certain you will be, right after Australia.

The list, so far (updated periodically):

  • Chicago (sorry, Mexico. You’re number 2. We all know number 2 tries harder.)
  • Mexico
  • Australia
  • Iran
  • Lawyers
  • The Middle East (not a country, but whatevs)
  • Europe (yeah, I know. It’s not a country, but The Shitstain thinks it is.)
  • Urropean
  • More to come as The Shitstain consults with his family and a world map.

I’d bet Mexico was wishing the wall had been built a lot sooner. Can you imagine that poor country full of stupid, ignorant, uneducated, illiterate Americans that can’t shoot straight?

Mexico doesn’t have too much to worry about. A pack of confused, deluded gringos  will arrive, wander aimlessly, quote scripture, speak an incomprehensible dialect of The Shitstain’s language, and get sunburned, all while dressed in camo. Based on images of invading Shitstain armies, the really cool sunglass quotient will go over the wall, causing more of a demand for made in China goods and services.

Given that The Shitstain’s troops haven’t been responsible for winning a war in many decades, I doubt much harm will come to bad hombres. If anything, drug use and smuggling by The Shitstain’s returning troops/generals will most likely ensure overflowing cartel coffers forever.

Black Sails

* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *

Tight corsets. Heaving bosoms. Treacherous, deceitful women. Double-crossing, double-dealing men. Sunshine, sand, and wind-filled canvas. Pirate treasure. Much cursing. Need I say it again? Betrayal. What say you?

Arrrr, Billy.

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking. –John Masefield

For the love of king and country,

will someone in the current American administration please, please find a box of really thick, big, long yuuuuge crayons with not too many colored selections choices thingies pointy bits and tell the grand master to keep the scrawling between the lines?

Speaking of shitstains (with apologies to The Shitstain), Les Moonves, how are ya feelin’ about corporate media’s bottom line now, versus America’s rock bottom? Do you have anything you might like to add? How about doubling down on the “good for the CBS bottom line”?