Hotel Artemis

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Jodie Foster channels Michael Fox, while the always sunny Charlie plays himself. Sort of. I lost several days of my life that I shall never get back after turning to drink to dull the pain. Why did I have pain, you ask? I gouged out my eyes, dulled my hearing with a sharp pencil, and cut out my tongue just for spite.

Achtung you MAGA Hillbillies arriving for the G6 meeting in Canada

Dear President shitstain,

Please take your racist Heil Hitler Nazi shit-stained fat lying ass back to the shithole you came from. MAGA and its fuck-ups, Democrats, Republicans, and the rich desperately need you to continue making it great.

Yours truly,

Canada

P.S. Yer a fookin’ pussy, too. Better at firing blanks than bullets. This after the G6 meeting concluded:

Trump’s economic adviser Larry Kudlow** also slammed Trudeau’s message on CNN’s State of the Union, suggesting it was a betrayal of the U.S. president before Trump meets North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un in Singapore Tuesday.

“You don’t walk away and start firing bullets,” Kudlow said.

“POTUS is not going to let a Canadian prime minister push him around … on the eve of this,” he said firmly. “Kim must not see American weakness.”

** Poor ole Larry couldn’t find his other brother, Sober Larry, to go on in his stead, so CNN let the drunk talk until every American started to believe his bullshit. One thing I’ve known for a long time – in fact I think forever – is that drunk, sober or stoned, an American is not an American unless and until he believes his own bullshit.

Yeah, I know. I don’t have television any more. I just had to go on youtube to witness the great American spectacle. I am so sorry I did. Please forgive me for my transgression.

MAGA Hillbillies are revolting* in Georgia

Adel, Cooks County, Georgia, known as a MAGA Shithole on America’s Very. Own. Shores.

On I-75, a popular route for snowbirds heading south, a speeding Canadian driver was arrested, handcuffed, and thrown in jail for driving with a Canadian driver’s licence. Note that it wasn’t the speeding that was a problem. Good luck getting some of those Canadian tourist dollars in the former Puddleville.

My greatest hope is that all the Great American States, in their haste to Make America Great Again (good luck with that), will copy Georgia’s initiative, and do the same.

God. Save. The. Queen.

Can you believe this shit? In another life (the same as this life), Adel was known as Puddleville. Because POTHOLES. The site makes no mention of Hillbilly Assholes, but seeing as it’s not far from Valdosta…

I wonder if it was raining.

Enough of that New Deal shit, too. Georgia has obviously had enough education rammed down its fair citizens’ throats. Chief Hillbilly Chad Castleberry wants you all to know how committed and dedicated his Professional Hillbillies are to serving the public.

* take it any way you want it

Bad Tomahawk

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

The troglodytes are coming!

Things aren’t all they’re cracked up to be at The Larned Learned Goat when Snake Plisskin Kurt Russell a crusty Sheriff Hunt shows up to advise the citizens that a local hottie subbing for the larned doc has disappeared from his jail while treating a prisoner with Snake’s lead in his leg. Threatening to slap things red when a disgruntled citizen has the temerity to complain about his missing stable of horses, Snake invites a token redskin to explain the meaning of an unfamiliar arrowhead embedded in his personal jail.

Cut to Snake Sheriff Hunt in his shack and a picture of domestic bliss wherein he carves up the salt pork while his wife lovingly wraps bread for the long, difficult slog to hunt down the troglodytes in The Valley of the Starving Men.

Walter Brennan is dug up to do a walk-on as the Snakester’s old and incompetent assistant to the assistant sheriff while assisting in the search for the troglodytes in The Valley of the Starving Man, a hard five-day ride distant that the mouldy good old boys will do in three but can’t seem to figger which way is up until the trogs land and kill shit and then the real fun begins.

Beans. Farts. Restless sleep. Gangrene. Surgery on the road. Eerie humming sounds, possibly across the border from Windsor. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Hobbits Hobbling. Fleas? WTF ? ? ?  Fleas?

Damn but this thing was boring. Snake must have needed the cash for another run to El Lay.

Bonus points if you recognize a pleasingly plump Sean Young.

The Party

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Kristen Scott Thomas, a baking failure, some quantity of blow, a handgun in a garbage can, and one too many confessions turns a celebratory get-together into mild disarray as guest after guest turns the staid life she’s known completely upside-down. The ending is something else when we learn, well, you’ll just have to watch this little black and white gem to find out that life is not a bowl of cherries, even with National Health.

Arthur Miller: Writer

** SPOILER ALERT ***

Rebecca Miller, Arthur’s daughter, filmed this wonderful portrait of her father over the years. An accomplished director in her own right, she takes a loving look at her father’s life and legacy. I quite enjoyed this, too, perhaps even more, although it’s certainly missing the certified nuttiness of the Dennis Hopper production.

My recommendation: Go for it.